I started writing in my "Dear Aria" letter this week and was hit with a fun inspiration that was relevant to all three girls so I thought it might be family blog appropriate. I was trying to describe to Aria how much I love her and how amazing she is and I realized she reminds me of Christmas. In the next breath I felt so clearly that Annika reminds me of Easter and Amara of Halloween. Below are a few words explaining why.
Aria is definitely Christmas because she exudes a very "Santa Claus" quality. Jolly, round, big happy cheeks, cheerful eyes that squint into rainbows when she smiles. She is an amalgamation of Christmas. The smell of gingerbread, the feel of squishy sherpa-lined fabrics, the shine of large, round, red ornaments, the sticky sweet of a candy cane, and oh the singing! She sings all day, every day. She sings when she is happy. She sings to get your attention. She sings to say thank you. She is a constant caroler.
Annika is my Easter. She a my bright-eyed, busy bunny always into crafts and cookies. Her mind is like a spool of many different ribbons, darting between bright polkadots and rainbow stripes. She feels like a new spring dress, still crisp and crinkly, as you walk through dewey grass on a cool, damp morning. She is Pastel. Vivid, enchanting, but always soft and forgiving. She is bouncy and swingy, with curls done up in ribbon. Annika is the early blue bird, out searching and planning while the rest of us still open our eyes. She sees the best in people and brings kindness to any situation.
Amara is Halloween. She is magic and sparkle, wonder and awe. She is a trick of the eye, a flick of the wrist and poof! A dark dragon turned into a shimmering fairy. She holds all of the rainbow set against a black velvet cloth. She is movement. The hunt, the game, the challenge, the sweet reward of a job well done. She is a sugar rush and yet also the tart of a green apple. Amara is the intensity of a fall day. She is the whoosh of back-to-school, wearing jeans and boots on a hayride, drinking cider into dark evenings. She is the heavy, deep sun against the shadow of curling, orange leaves. She is the the edge of your collar that feels the both the tingle of the cool breeze and the warmth of your sweatshirt. Amara is the contentment of the first bite of fresh, grilled corn - smokey, crispy-char ending in bursting sweetness.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Pity Laugh
I have been swamped in the world of "Newborn Baby-dom". This is a world with no pauses or breaks and often a shower only ever two days (on a rare occasion three). I have not blogged much since becoming a mother to three on march 26, 2013 but yesterday's moment had to be captured.
Aria is a big giggler and a happy baby. She was giggling herself into hysteria over some funny face/sound effect that Samir was doing. After two minutes of Aria givign steady, out loud giggles, "hahahahaha...Aaaahhh hahahahaha" and a series of raspberries into the air, Samir suggested I try it. So I tried to make her giggle that hard as well. And I got a pity laugh from her. "Ha-ha". She said it but didn't even mean it! She may have even rolled her eyes a bit as she looked over to Samir for emotional validation that her Mom was a cuckoo. What a little bugger !?!
Aria is a big giggler and a happy baby. She was giggling herself into hysteria over some funny face/sound effect that Samir was doing. After two minutes of Aria givign steady, out loud giggles, "hahahahaha...Aaaahhh hahahahaha" and a series of raspberries into the air, Samir suggested I try it. So I tried to make her giggle that hard as well. And I got a pity laugh from her. "Ha-ha". She said it but didn't even mean it! She may have even rolled her eyes a bit as she looked over to Samir for emotional validation that her Mom was a cuckoo. What a little bugger !?!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
34 is old enough
Recently I told someone how I was looking forward to turning 40 because I have read that is when women finally get comfortable and confident with their true selves. This concept is mentioned many times in articles in Oprah, More, etc. Today I met a physician/professor who is the head of Family Med at UC. Talking to her and realizing that I would have graduated two weeks ago as an MD if I had stayed in medical school made me reflect upon what all has transposed in the past 4 years...
I turned 30 right before entering UCMed. It started on August 15 2009. Getting into the only medical school I applied to and on my first attempt lit within me a sense of Faith.
Samir's mom had passed away a few months before in February 2009. The shock of losing her and watching Dad fall apart and then rebuild himself taught me Humbleness.
Dropping out of medical school in my first year was devastating and threw me into a whirlwind of questioning my career and greater purpose. Reality bit me truly when I was forced to accept my Limits. I am not the superwoman I dreamed I could be.
The chaos of next few months landed me assisting Samir with our business. The first six months were grueling for both of us as we forged together our skills and strengths in the world of business. It was almost as painful as combining into a family from individuals after a marriage. 2010 was a year of Compromise.
Compromise is best pursued when their is Balance and becoming a yoga teacher was the best single investment I have ever done for myself. The daily grounding of meditation and spiritual study helped me feel how to exist with Balance for the first time ever.
Building the steam into our business' engine and raising our cute toddlers into sweet girls both took the same skill of Fortitude.
Watching Samir's dad remarry triggered Samir to finally deal with the loss of his mother. This brought about a very difficult time in our lives which taught both of us Acceptance. Acceptance of what we cannot control.
Connecting with the vision of a third child and deciding to try expanding our family and responsibilities took great Courage.
It has been an eventful four years to say the least. I did not get my MD but I did complete a new bachelors degree in life experiences with the forever gifts of Faith, Humbleness, Limits, Compromise, Balance, Fortitude, Acceptance, and Courage.
Currently, my mindspace is preoccupied with Hope. I hope to be a good and present mother to my three daughters. I hope to invest in and enjoy my marriage. I hope to get back to my previous level of fitness and leaner physique. I hope to work in a business area that rewards and responds to my creativity and passion. I hope to write a book, or two. I hope to consult back to improve medical care and patient communication. I hope to launch my own business that entices patients into a higher level of self care. But I don't want to just hope. And I don't want to wait until I am 40 to act with conviction. I give myself a Mantra as a gift on my 34th birthday - "just do it". Perhaps it will turn into the habit of Completion. There is an emptiness is this area, that is except in the realm of my own family. 5 is Complete. : )
I turned 30 right before entering UCMed. It started on August 15 2009. Getting into the only medical school I applied to and on my first attempt lit within me a sense of Faith.
Samir's mom had passed away a few months before in February 2009. The shock of losing her and watching Dad fall apart and then rebuild himself taught me Humbleness.
Dropping out of medical school in my first year was devastating and threw me into a whirlwind of questioning my career and greater purpose. Reality bit me truly when I was forced to accept my Limits. I am not the superwoman I dreamed I could be.
The chaos of next few months landed me assisting Samir with our business. The first six months were grueling for both of us as we forged together our skills and strengths in the world of business. It was almost as painful as combining into a family from individuals after a marriage. 2010 was a year of Compromise.
Compromise is best pursued when their is Balance and becoming a yoga teacher was the best single investment I have ever done for myself. The daily grounding of meditation and spiritual study helped me feel how to exist with Balance for the first time ever.
Building the steam into our business' engine and raising our cute toddlers into sweet girls both took the same skill of Fortitude.
Watching Samir's dad remarry triggered Samir to finally deal with the loss of his mother. This brought about a very difficult time in our lives which taught both of us Acceptance. Acceptance of what we cannot control.
Connecting with the vision of a third child and deciding to try expanding our family and responsibilities took great Courage.
It has been an eventful four years to say the least. I did not get my MD but I did complete a new bachelors degree in life experiences with the forever gifts of Faith, Humbleness, Limits, Compromise, Balance, Fortitude, Acceptance, and Courage.
Currently, my mindspace is preoccupied with Hope. I hope to be a good and present mother to my three daughters. I hope to invest in and enjoy my marriage. I hope to get back to my previous level of fitness and leaner physique. I hope to work in a business area that rewards and responds to my creativity and passion. I hope to write a book, or two. I hope to consult back to improve medical care and patient communication. I hope to launch my own business that entices patients into a higher level of self care. But I don't want to just hope. And I don't want to wait until I am 40 to act with conviction. I give myself a Mantra as a gift on my 34th birthday - "just do it". Perhaps it will turn into the habit of Completion. There is an emptiness is this area, that is except in the realm of my own family. 5 is Complete. : )
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Aria - 8 weeks old
Aria is already waking up for the third time since 1am but I wanted to quickly jot down a few special things about her at this sweet squishy age of 8 weeks old.
Her cry - Aria is rarely in a rage. She typically builds into a cry from small squeaks and "ahs" and "hu-uhs". She calms down as soon as she hears a voice.
Snuggling - She loves to be snuggled and held close. If she is in someone's arms she is content 99% of the time. She has started rubbing her nose and face into my shoulder when she is super tired or wants to get out a burp. When her head is in the crook of my neck, my cheek to her forehead, she is so soft and quiet. She falls asleep like this almost purring with a snortled breath. Recently I have started rubbing her soft, silky baby hair with my fingers.
Falling asleep - Once she is fed, burped, done being awake, she falls asleep on my should within 5 minutes. These days she prefers to fall asleep vertically and does not like being swaddled but does like have a blanket near her face and head. She also likes her feet covered in a blanket ideally when she is falling asleep.
Her Eyes - She has so many different eye expressions. Her morning eyes are bright and alert. Round, big, happy. Her eyes look more like mine and annikas then amara's to me. When she is tired, I call her eyes, "Zombie eyes". They are fixed on a gaze but not focused on anything. Within 2 - 3 minutes of Zombie eyes she is asleep.
Her Smile - She loves to coo and smile and us. She loves her Lion King painting, her play mat, staring at me, my mom, Samir, Kim, but most of all her sisters. Anni and Amara amaze her.
Her cry - Aria is rarely in a rage. She typically builds into a cry from small squeaks and "ahs" and "hu-uhs". She calms down as soon as she hears a voice.
Snuggling - She loves to be snuggled and held close. If she is in someone's arms she is content 99% of the time. She has started rubbing her nose and face into my shoulder when she is super tired or wants to get out a burp. When her head is in the crook of my neck, my cheek to her forehead, she is so soft and quiet. She falls asleep like this almost purring with a snortled breath. Recently I have started rubbing her soft, silky baby hair with my fingers.
Falling asleep - Once she is fed, burped, done being awake, she falls asleep on my should within 5 minutes. These days she prefers to fall asleep vertically and does not like being swaddled but does like have a blanket near her face and head. She also likes her feet covered in a blanket ideally when she is falling asleep.
Her Eyes - She has so many different eye expressions. Her morning eyes are bright and alert. Round, big, happy. Her eyes look more like mine and annikas then amara's to me. When she is tired, I call her eyes, "Zombie eyes". They are fixed on a gaze but not focused on anything. Within 2 - 3 minutes of Zombie eyes she is asleep.
Her Smile - She loves to coo and smile and us. She loves her Lion King painting, her play mat, staring at me, my mom, Samir, Kim, but most of all her sisters. Anni and Amara amaze her.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mothers Day 2013
Samir pointed out this morning that today is my sixth Mother's Day. What an odd feeling. I could not believe I have only six. It seems so much longer. I counted the years and he was correct. We have been together almost 13 years and 6 of them as parents. How funny life and time are. In the rear view mirror, things are closer than they appear.
What a glorious morning I had. After 40 days of sleeping an average of 4 - 5 hours, I had the luxury of sleeping from 11 - 5 and then again from 7 - 9. My brain is rushing around thinking of all the projects and moments I want to tackle with this new energy. Of course, the smarter thing to do with my time is write and go for a walk. Nothing recharges me more then these two. In fact, going for a walk in Glenwood Gardens was all I asked for Mothers Day. Thankfully, God has blessed us with a sunny and cool day. Perfect for walking : )
I did receive several wonderful gifts though. I loved the gift from Samir - an upstairs water cooler with delicious water in a five gallon jug. It can even be heated for instant tea water. And I also loved the gift from my girls (really equally from Kim) of a beautiful, thoughtful, and brightly colored book they wrote and illustrated called, "If you were..." where I am depicted as many sweet animals and how they would see me. Two beautiful cards and breakfast of tea, raspberries, and marmalade toast was icing on the cake. A myriad of texts from friends and family "Mothers" are the sprinkles.
Annika could not stop saying, "happy mother's day!". Amara kept saying, "I don't want any arguing on Mothers Day, everyone must listen to Mom." Even Aria cooed some delightful happy sounds at me. She is just up from a nice 90 minute nap, so off I go to nurse her and then give her a warm bath with hopes of her taking another calm nap from 3 - 5:30.
Thank you God, Family, and forces of nature for such a blessed day. I feel much appreciated.
What a glorious morning I had. After 40 days of sleeping an average of 4 - 5 hours, I had the luxury of sleeping from 11 - 5 and then again from 7 - 9. My brain is rushing around thinking of all the projects and moments I want to tackle with this new energy. Of course, the smarter thing to do with my time is write and go for a walk. Nothing recharges me more then these two. In fact, going for a walk in Glenwood Gardens was all I asked for Mothers Day. Thankfully, God has blessed us with a sunny and cool day. Perfect for walking : )
I did receive several wonderful gifts though. I loved the gift from Samir - an upstairs water cooler with delicious water in a five gallon jug. It can even be heated for instant tea water. And I also loved the gift from my girls (really equally from Kim) of a beautiful, thoughtful, and brightly colored book they wrote and illustrated called, "If you were..." where I am depicted as many sweet animals and how they would see me. Two beautiful cards and breakfast of tea, raspberries, and marmalade toast was icing on the cake. A myriad of texts from friends and family "Mothers" are the sprinkles.
Annika could not stop saying, "happy mother's day!". Amara kept saying, "I don't want any arguing on Mothers Day, everyone must listen to Mom." Even Aria cooed some delightful happy sounds at me. She is just up from a nice 90 minute nap, so off I go to nurse her and then give her a warm bath with hopes of her taking another calm nap from 3 - 5:30.
Thank you God, Family, and forces of nature for such a blessed day. I feel much appreciated.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The day our kids were more responsible then us
A quick post to document a day I am both proud and embarrassed about: on Friday, April 22nd I awoke at 7:46 am after a rough night with Aria. I looked at the clock and awoke a startled Samir. "Is it okay if the girls skip school today - its almost 7:50 and neither of us are up!". His response, "Yes that is fine. It is just one day. What happened? Usually Annika comes in our room at 7:15 at the latest?"
(Before Aria we would both be up and dressed before 7am in order to get the girls ready by 8 and leave for school).
I open the door to look for the girls and find them both completely dressed for school in the outfits we laid out (with socks!), with their hair brushed as well as their teeth brushed. They were quietly playing in the upstairs play room.
Astonished and touched are the words that come to mind. Overwhelmed mom and dad were ready to skip school and yet our sweet angels had got themselves ready - what a great and powerful moment. Were able to get to school just 5 minutes late. Good thing I didn't open the door and start talking about staying home from school until after I saw them. : )
(Before Aria we would both be up and dressed before 7am in order to get the girls ready by 8 and leave for school).
I open the door to look for the girls and find them both completely dressed for school in the outfits we laid out (with socks!), with their hair brushed as well as their teeth brushed. They were quietly playing in the upstairs play room.
Astonished and touched are the words that come to mind. Overwhelmed mom and dad were ready to skip school and yet our sweet angels had got themselves ready - what a great and powerful moment. Were able to get to school just 5 minutes late. Good thing I didn't open the door and start talking about staying home from school until after I saw them. : )
A new dawn...
Aria is here. Our last daughter (at least that is what we believe) came into the world yesterday and our family feels complete. It was a magical process full of many great and new moments. A few of the surprises were:
1) Our delivery was induced, which was very different than I expected. I had to be induced even after having many false labor contractions. We started a little bit of the induction drugs around 7am but I only moved from 2cm to 4cm over 8 hours. However, I progressed from 4 cm to 10cm in an hour. I pushed for about 20 minutes and she was born at 3:33pm. Every child really has their own path and she did not come the two weeks early I expected.
2) We had fantastic labor nurses. They were strong, positive, and healing. Laboring was relaxed and fun with their help. The one that helped me the most snuck me a few sips of diet coke and was 37 weeks pregnant herself!
3) Dads are no longer allowed to be in the room for epidurals. : ( So sad to learn about this because it is always a little scary and I almost had a new nurse who was learning put in my epidural. She had been doing it for less than two weeks. Given I had a history of not-great epidurals, I spoke up and said no but no one even asked me. I kind of just looked over my back and realized what was about to happen. Net - It made me appreciate how great it is to have Samir in the room. I can't imagine the delivery experience of in the old days where Dads were often not there.
4) Another weird thing with the Epi - It mostly went into the right side of me and I could move my left leg and feel on the left side during the delivery. I told the nurse practioner who put it in that I felt it shoot into the right side and not much on the left when they first put it in. It was more discomfort then pain so it really turned out to be a positive as I could feel the contractions pretty well. This helped me push. The epidural started to hit my lungs and cause breathing issues as they usually do but this time I was savvy enough to disagree with the nurses and decide to sit up instead of lie down as they recommend. This kept the medicine mostly in my lower half where it helps with the pain.
5) Dr. Gardner encouraged me to watch the pushing/delivery process and brought the mirror over. I was very scared and said no initially but she was so confident that I would love it so I decied to look. It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever seen with my eyes. I can't find words to explain the miracle of watching a new life emerge, especially one that I have been caring for inside me for 10 months.
6) Aria arrived into the world with the cord wrapped twice around her neck but strong and calm. I knew she would be larger then the others but I didn't expect the almost 8 lbs and the almost 22 inches! She emodies elegance, peace, and strength already. Samir and I both instantly felt that she had always been part of our family. It is an unusual feeling but I believe our family is complete now.
1) Our delivery was induced, which was very different than I expected. I had to be induced even after having many false labor contractions. We started a little bit of the induction drugs around 7am but I only moved from 2cm to 4cm over 8 hours. However, I progressed from 4 cm to 10cm in an hour. I pushed for about 20 minutes and she was born at 3:33pm. Every child really has their own path and she did not come the two weeks early I expected.
2) We had fantastic labor nurses. They were strong, positive, and healing. Laboring was relaxed and fun with their help. The one that helped me the most snuck me a few sips of diet coke and was 37 weeks pregnant herself!
3) Dads are no longer allowed to be in the room for epidurals. : ( So sad to learn about this because it is always a little scary and I almost had a new nurse who was learning put in my epidural. She had been doing it for less than two weeks. Given I had a history of not-great epidurals, I spoke up and said no but no one even asked me. I kind of just looked over my back and realized what was about to happen. Net - It made me appreciate how great it is to have Samir in the room. I can't imagine the delivery experience of in the old days where Dads were often not there.
4) Another weird thing with the Epi - It mostly went into the right side of me and I could move my left leg and feel on the left side during the delivery. I told the nurse practioner who put it in that I felt it shoot into the right side and not much on the left when they first put it in. It was more discomfort then pain so it really turned out to be a positive as I could feel the contractions pretty well. This helped me push. The epidural started to hit my lungs and cause breathing issues as they usually do but this time I was savvy enough to disagree with the nurses and decide to sit up instead of lie down as they recommend. This kept the medicine mostly in my lower half where it helps with the pain.
5) Dr. Gardner encouraged me to watch the pushing/delivery process and brought the mirror over. I was very scared and said no initially but she was so confident that I would love it so I decied to look. It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever seen with my eyes. I can't find words to explain the miracle of watching a new life emerge, especially one that I have been caring for inside me for 10 months.
6) Aria arrived into the world with the cord wrapped twice around her neck but strong and calm. I knew she would be larger then the others but I didn't expect the almost 8 lbs and the almost 22 inches! She emodies elegance, peace, and strength already. Samir and I both instantly felt that she had always been part of our family. It is an unusual feeling but I believe our family is complete now.
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