I debated on if this post is more journal appropriate or Blog worthy and I chose the blog because its where I document our life for the girls. I don't know how much the girls will remember the almost 7 years we have been living on this hill-house on Cooper Rd. Amara and Aria have never had another home and tomorrow we are officially moving to Mt. Lookout. I'm still not 100% about the decision but I am committed and hoping for the best. Still, my heart is aching a bit for all the memories and love that this house has hosted. So for my girls, and for my aching heart, I will capture some below.
1) This the home that we found when I pleaded with Samir to stop construction in Amberley and find an existing house to move our two dogs, 18 month old Annika, and soon to be arriving Amara. We were living in this house just over two weeks when Amara decided to pop out about 10 days early. I'll never forget the details of where Samir and I were sitting as we argued about chores and planning of a future little girl, or where I lay in our bed, turned away from the window as I realized my tummy pain may actually be labor pains, or the nearby Speedway gas station we stopped at for a Twix at 2am as we filled gas before we got on the highway for the hospital.
2) This home has brought us closer to my family in many ways. The seven years in this house living in Blue Ash have been critical for Samir and I becoming a closer team then ever. Also, it has allowed me the gift of proximity to my Mom (only 15 minutes away) and more importantly her fitness center which is about 7 minutes away. She has been able to pop over 2-3 times a week and its made a huge difference during the years when the girls were young. The last year with Aria has been so special as she gets to see my parents quite often. She is attached to both of them and asks for them by name. There is no one who gets a bigger smile than Nani and Paji.
3) This home has also been a home of ease. Whether is the easy drive to Karishma's house, the quite and unbusy Target and Kroger, or the 5 minute commute to work, this home has made life much easier. However, easy can be a crutch. I'm praying that changing to a 15-20 minute commute to work will force us to be organized in our planning and allow me to have a more clear divide between work and home time. I hope this new home helps us to be more present to where ever we are.
4) This home has our last memories with Samir's mom (Dadima) and many other anguishing moments in our life. Although a fresh start with no history or heartache in it may be just what we need, I will always treasure that this home was there as reassurance during our dark days. It helped us pull through time when we needed the strength of big house on a hill. Its where our driveway was filled for days before the funeral. It's where countless packages and flowers and piles of mail were shoved into a mailbox at the end of a long hill. It's where we've been stuck inside during many snow storms but always felt safe.
5) This home's privacy and lush green surroundings have protected our family as we have grown in strength, wisdom, and courage. This house is where I lived and walked as I prepared for the MCAT and then commuted from to medical school. This house is where Samir's Dad lived with us for six months when he grieved heavily for his wife and then were he also wrote her tribute book, "Jay's Legacy." This home is where Amara and Aria learned to walk, where we can play in the front yard in our jammies, where we swing and spot cardinals, deer, snakes, rabbits, foxes, and even the elusive coyotes. These are the stairs that we have all fallen down many time. The counter that Amara has jumped from and the bannister where she made her first pulley system. These walls have your growth charts etched in and so many silent observations of a couple who has learned to be a family.
6) These are the windows where the moon has shown on our sleeping minds through Annika and Amara going through Creative Tots preschool, then starting Kindergarten, and now on there way with confidence to 1st and 3rd grade. The moon has been gazed upon so many ways and so many days. I've walked these halls, dodging the creaky parts, so many night with babies clutched in my arms. I've prayed into these stars and watched Annika say "airplane" into the buzzing small plane that would be traveling overhead back when Lunken was still an airport. We've driven home so many quiet late nights to hear Amara squeak out, half-asleep, "I see Dadima's star - I miss her so much".
7) This is the home that withstood the heavy shaking of Samir starting Solica. I recall sitting in our bedroom hearing his conversations with his parents as they discussed the pros and cons of starting on his own. Then I recall sitting in our bedroom, with the foot of the bed facing the fireplace, and working together to find the right name, logo, and equity for the new venture. It also stood as I prayed and cried and studied myself into medical school.
8) Its the bathroom that all three of girls potty-trained in, Aria is still at the very beginning but she has hopped on with high hopes of peeing in the potty already. I recall so many anguishing moments with little Annika as we tried to convince her to use the potty and not run behind the couch.
9) This is the house we have all grown up in. Samir and I have grown so much during our 7 years here. We both moved here as naive, 20-somethings and are leaving at 35 and 37, much more worn but also wise for the experiences we've gone through. We are grateful for the years spent living in this comforting, reclusive home.
10) This is the space where we have built so much! From really learning how to throw excellent parties, to building businesses, teams, and future dreams, we've done so much here. We've crafted teachers gifts, finger paintings, sketches, held family photo sessions, hosted holiday gatherings, grown many rose bushes but many more weeds, and built so many legos!
So thank you Cooper home. You have been just what we needed for the past seven years. I hope you can bring the same emotional security, expansive comfort, and foundational stability to a new family soon.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Amara's birthday requests
The purpose of this post is to capture a little bit of our very special Amara. She is a fantastic mix of magic and mayhem. She recently turned 6 and asked for an electric guitar and a sewing machine. While she may still be hazard to herself on a sewing machine, she did get the guitar. Thank you Kim helping her sew at your home and giving her the thrill of making her own pillow cases.
Samir reminded me of what she wanted when she was 2 and I fell over laughing (luckily I was already in bed). She pined away for months for a "Soft Toilet Seat". Yes, I am talking about the kind you found in homes that were decorated in the 80's. Little Amara has always had the boniest tush. She is now at the age of six a whopping 37lbs. There are two-year olds that weigh more than her! : )
Samir reminded me of what she wanted when she was 2 and I fell over laughing (luckily I was already in bed). She pined away for months for a "Soft Toilet Seat". Yes, I am talking about the kind you found in homes that were decorated in the 80's. Little Amara has always had the boniest tush. She is now at the age of six a whopping 37lbs. There are two-year olds that weigh more than her! : )
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
The benefits of a small holiday gathering
As a family of five, Samir and I are starting to do things differently. This year our annual holiday party was completed in a non-traditional format for us. Our traditional format has been to invite family, friends, employees, and business associates whose company we enjoy. This group was typically in the range of 50 - 75 people each year. Below is a contrast between the two. I am not sure which one I prefer but thought it was worth exercise of capturing the differences.
Our old format included a formal printed invitation, a valet to deal with the 25+ cars on our shared, narrow driveway, 5 - 7 appetizer dishes, 3 -5 entree dishes, and 5 - 7 dessert options (all prepared by us). It included a full bar including wines and craft beers. There was a ton of wasted alcohol and food at the end of every party. The party cost was well over a $1,000 all in. Some of the highlights was welcoming new friends to our home for the first time. Hoping around and trying to connect with 60 or so individuals in 5 minutes or less. Getting dolled up in some festive holiday swag. The drama of hosting that many people and trying to show everyone a good time was part of the appeal and positive stress. I also loved the feeling of having the1st floor completely jammed with people. I think the intrigue of this comes from a subconscious desire to mimic what a great party from high school-from college-from a movie looks like. Whenever I have attended parties where rooms are jammed with people I have not enjoyed them or remembered much due to the alcohol and general craziness. They definitely have not been with gourmet food or drink. The concept that we had so many people over while also trying to offer a full foodie experience is insane. Genuinely certifiable.
This year's party was almost a non-occurrence. In the fatigue of a working mother who is adjusting to having three girls, I asked to raise the white flag this year. My sister and my husband were both so sad that we wouldn't be able to maintain our holiday tradition. I considered another option of scaling it back. But could I? Scaling back is not something I have ever successfully done in my life. Instead of scaling back, I typically transfer that energy into something new and even more challenging. Leaving 60 - 70 hour work weeks at P&G turned into medical school for even more hours. 2 dogs turned to three dogs. Two kids turned to three kids once the first two became manageable at ages 5 and 7. I had to be very specific with myself on what a scaled back party could be. Truthfully, scaled back is probably not the correct term. Narrowed. Focused. A more intentional gathering focusing on quality. To incentivize myself to keep the number to 8 - 12 people over for an intimate dinner, I imagined one long table with all the guests seated together. Still the number for the party was 15 individuals. Instead of fancy, printed invites for $300 total, I splurged on a very elegant and experiential Evite from Paperless post for a cool $12 total. Time saved here was 5-6 hours. Then the food approached in a unique way. We committed to make everything from scratch. Eight separate dishes were prepared between the two of us and served hot and plated formally during the three courses. Suprisingly we were able to complete all the cooking in less then 5 hours. The 13 guests were all folks we care for deeply and easily so it was stressful. Below are some highlights.
1) Everyone at the party was involved in getting the appetizers out at some point in the early evening. The kitchen hummed with olive oil and so many hands.
2) A sweet and thoughtful toast from my husband.
3) Taking a few photos together.
4) Not even attempting to wear high heels.
5) Clean up help from Carrie, Kim, and a few others.
6) Actually being prepared when folks arrived.
7) Putting out all the yummy foods we had planned.
Our old format included a formal printed invitation, a valet to deal with the 25+ cars on our shared, narrow driveway, 5 - 7 appetizer dishes, 3 -5 entree dishes, and 5 - 7 dessert options (all prepared by us). It included a full bar including wines and craft beers. There was a ton of wasted alcohol and food at the end of every party. The party cost was well over a $1,000 all in. Some of the highlights was welcoming new friends to our home for the first time. Hoping around and trying to connect with 60 or so individuals in 5 minutes or less. Getting dolled up in some festive holiday swag. The drama of hosting that many people and trying to show everyone a good time was part of the appeal and positive stress. I also loved the feeling of having the1st floor completely jammed with people. I think the intrigue of this comes from a subconscious desire to mimic what a great party from high school-from college-from a movie looks like. Whenever I have attended parties where rooms are jammed with people I have not enjoyed them or remembered much due to the alcohol and general craziness. They definitely have not been with gourmet food or drink. The concept that we had so many people over while also trying to offer a full foodie experience is insane. Genuinely certifiable.
This year's party was almost a non-occurrence. In the fatigue of a working mother who is adjusting to having three girls, I asked to raise the white flag this year. My sister and my husband were both so sad that we wouldn't be able to maintain our holiday tradition. I considered another option of scaling it back. But could I? Scaling back is not something I have ever successfully done in my life. Instead of scaling back, I typically transfer that energy into something new and even more challenging. Leaving 60 - 70 hour work weeks at P&G turned into medical school for even more hours. 2 dogs turned to three dogs. Two kids turned to three kids once the first two became manageable at ages 5 and 7. I had to be very specific with myself on what a scaled back party could be. Truthfully, scaled back is probably not the correct term. Narrowed. Focused. A more intentional gathering focusing on quality. To incentivize myself to keep the number to 8 - 12 people over for an intimate dinner, I imagined one long table with all the guests seated together. Still the number for the party was 15 individuals. Instead of fancy, printed invites for $300 total, I splurged on a very elegant and experiential Evite from Paperless post for a cool $12 total. Time saved here was 5-6 hours. Then the food approached in a unique way. We committed to make everything from scratch. Eight separate dishes were prepared between the two of us and served hot and plated formally during the three courses. Suprisingly we were able to complete all the cooking in less then 5 hours. The 13 guests were all folks we care for deeply and easily so it was stressful. Below are some highlights.
1) Everyone at the party was involved in getting the appetizers out at some point in the early evening. The kitchen hummed with olive oil and so many hands.
2) A sweet and thoughtful toast from my husband.
3) Taking a few photos together.
4) Not even attempting to wear high heels.
5) Clean up help from Carrie, Kim, and a few others.
6) Actually being prepared when folks arrived.
7) Putting out all the yummy foods we had planned.
Friday, September 27, 2013
A lost fish
Both of my big girls have transitioned to school this year better than ever. Annika has really enjoyed some of the new kids who have joined her class. Amara is surprisingly comfortable with being in kindergarten all day since it is the same teacher Annika had. However, the other day Amara said the cutest thing to me in the car on the way to school, "Mom, when you drop me off I feel like a fish. Like a fish in a big ocean who is lost." This made my heart warm and also feel heavy. Heavy for hearing the sadness in her voice. Warm from hearing her find her words and express them in such a poetic way. Or perhaps she has watched Finding Nemo recently and it is sitting in her subconscious. Regardless I was touched.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Holiday inspirations
I started writing in my "Dear Aria" letter this week and was hit with a fun inspiration that was relevant to all three girls so I thought it might be family blog appropriate. I was trying to describe to Aria how much I love her and how amazing she is and I realized she reminds me of Christmas. In the next breath I felt so clearly that Annika reminds me of Easter and Amara of Halloween. Below are a few words explaining why.
Aria is definitely Christmas because she exudes a very "Santa Claus" quality. Jolly, round, big happy cheeks, cheerful eyes that squint into rainbows when she smiles. She is an amalgamation of Christmas. The smell of gingerbread, the feel of squishy sherpa-lined fabrics, the shine of large, round, red ornaments, the sticky sweet of a candy cane, and oh the singing! She sings all day, every day. She sings when she is happy. She sings to get your attention. She sings to say thank you. She is a constant caroler.
Annika is my Easter. She a my bright-eyed, busy bunny always into crafts and cookies. Her mind is like a spool of many different ribbons, darting between bright polkadots and rainbow stripes. She feels like a new spring dress, still crisp and crinkly, as you walk through dewey grass on a cool, damp morning. She is Pastel. Vivid, enchanting, but always soft and forgiving. She is bouncy and swingy, with curls done up in ribbon. Annika is the early blue bird, out searching and planning while the rest of us still open our eyes. She sees the best in people and brings kindness to any situation.
Amara is Halloween. She is magic and sparkle, wonder and awe. She is a trick of the eye, a flick of the wrist and poof! A dark dragon turned into a shimmering fairy. She holds all of the rainbow set against a black velvet cloth. She is movement. The hunt, the game, the challenge, the sweet reward of a job well done. She is a sugar rush and yet also the tart of a green apple. Amara is the intensity of a fall day. She is the whoosh of back-to-school, wearing jeans and boots on a hayride, drinking cider into dark evenings. She is the heavy, deep sun against the shadow of curling, orange leaves. She is the the edge of your collar that feels the both the tingle of the cool breeze and the warmth of your sweatshirt. Amara is the contentment of the first bite of fresh, grilled corn - smokey, crispy-char ending in bursting sweetness.
Aria is definitely Christmas because she exudes a very "Santa Claus" quality. Jolly, round, big happy cheeks, cheerful eyes that squint into rainbows when she smiles. She is an amalgamation of Christmas. The smell of gingerbread, the feel of squishy sherpa-lined fabrics, the shine of large, round, red ornaments, the sticky sweet of a candy cane, and oh the singing! She sings all day, every day. She sings when she is happy. She sings to get your attention. She sings to say thank you. She is a constant caroler.
Annika is my Easter. She a my bright-eyed, busy bunny always into crafts and cookies. Her mind is like a spool of many different ribbons, darting between bright polkadots and rainbow stripes. She feels like a new spring dress, still crisp and crinkly, as you walk through dewey grass on a cool, damp morning. She is Pastel. Vivid, enchanting, but always soft and forgiving. She is bouncy and swingy, with curls done up in ribbon. Annika is the early blue bird, out searching and planning while the rest of us still open our eyes. She sees the best in people and brings kindness to any situation.
Amara is Halloween. She is magic and sparkle, wonder and awe. She is a trick of the eye, a flick of the wrist and poof! A dark dragon turned into a shimmering fairy. She holds all of the rainbow set against a black velvet cloth. She is movement. The hunt, the game, the challenge, the sweet reward of a job well done. She is a sugar rush and yet also the tart of a green apple. Amara is the intensity of a fall day. She is the whoosh of back-to-school, wearing jeans and boots on a hayride, drinking cider into dark evenings. She is the heavy, deep sun against the shadow of curling, orange leaves. She is the the edge of your collar that feels the both the tingle of the cool breeze and the warmth of your sweatshirt. Amara is the contentment of the first bite of fresh, grilled corn - smokey, crispy-char ending in bursting sweetness.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Pity Laugh
I have been swamped in the world of "Newborn Baby-dom". This is a world with no pauses or breaks and often a shower only ever two days (on a rare occasion three). I have not blogged much since becoming a mother to three on march 26, 2013 but yesterday's moment had to be captured.
Aria is a big giggler and a happy baby. She was giggling herself into hysteria over some funny face/sound effect that Samir was doing. After two minutes of Aria givign steady, out loud giggles, "hahahahaha...Aaaahhh hahahahaha" and a series of raspberries into the air, Samir suggested I try it. So I tried to make her giggle that hard as well. And I got a pity laugh from her. "Ha-ha". She said it but didn't even mean it! She may have even rolled her eyes a bit as she looked over to Samir for emotional validation that her Mom was a cuckoo. What a little bugger !?!
Aria is a big giggler and a happy baby. She was giggling herself into hysteria over some funny face/sound effect that Samir was doing. After two minutes of Aria givign steady, out loud giggles, "hahahahaha...Aaaahhh hahahahaha" and a series of raspberries into the air, Samir suggested I try it. So I tried to make her giggle that hard as well. And I got a pity laugh from her. "Ha-ha". She said it but didn't even mean it! She may have even rolled her eyes a bit as she looked over to Samir for emotional validation that her Mom was a cuckoo. What a little bugger !?!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
34 is old enough
Recently I told someone how I was looking forward to turning 40 because I have read that is when women finally get comfortable and confident with their true selves. This concept is mentioned many times in articles in Oprah, More, etc. Today I met a physician/professor who is the head of Family Med at UC. Talking to her and realizing that I would have graduated two weeks ago as an MD if I had stayed in medical school made me reflect upon what all has transposed in the past 4 years...
I turned 30 right before entering UCMed. It started on August 15 2009. Getting into the only medical school I applied to and on my first attempt lit within me a sense of Faith.
Samir's mom had passed away a few months before in February 2009. The shock of losing her and watching Dad fall apart and then rebuild himself taught me Humbleness.
Dropping out of medical school in my first year was devastating and threw me into a whirlwind of questioning my career and greater purpose. Reality bit me truly when I was forced to accept my Limits. I am not the superwoman I dreamed I could be.
The chaos of next few months landed me assisting Samir with our business. The first six months were grueling for both of us as we forged together our skills and strengths in the world of business. It was almost as painful as combining into a family from individuals after a marriage. 2010 was a year of Compromise.
Compromise is best pursued when their is Balance and becoming a yoga teacher was the best single investment I have ever done for myself. The daily grounding of meditation and spiritual study helped me feel how to exist with Balance for the first time ever.
Building the steam into our business' engine and raising our cute toddlers into sweet girls both took the same skill of Fortitude.
Watching Samir's dad remarry triggered Samir to finally deal with the loss of his mother. This brought about a very difficult time in our lives which taught both of us Acceptance. Acceptance of what we cannot control.
Connecting with the vision of a third child and deciding to try expanding our family and responsibilities took great Courage.
It has been an eventful four years to say the least. I did not get my MD but I did complete a new bachelors degree in life experiences with the forever gifts of Faith, Humbleness, Limits, Compromise, Balance, Fortitude, Acceptance, and Courage.
Currently, my mindspace is preoccupied with Hope. I hope to be a good and present mother to my three daughters. I hope to invest in and enjoy my marriage. I hope to get back to my previous level of fitness and leaner physique. I hope to work in a business area that rewards and responds to my creativity and passion. I hope to write a book, or two. I hope to consult back to improve medical care and patient communication. I hope to launch my own business that entices patients into a higher level of self care. But I don't want to just hope. And I don't want to wait until I am 40 to act with conviction. I give myself a Mantra as a gift on my 34th birthday - "just do it". Perhaps it will turn into the habit of Completion. There is an emptiness is this area, that is except in the realm of my own family. 5 is Complete. : )
I turned 30 right before entering UCMed. It started on August 15 2009. Getting into the only medical school I applied to and on my first attempt lit within me a sense of Faith.
Samir's mom had passed away a few months before in February 2009. The shock of losing her and watching Dad fall apart and then rebuild himself taught me Humbleness.
Dropping out of medical school in my first year was devastating and threw me into a whirlwind of questioning my career and greater purpose. Reality bit me truly when I was forced to accept my Limits. I am not the superwoman I dreamed I could be.
The chaos of next few months landed me assisting Samir with our business. The first six months were grueling for both of us as we forged together our skills and strengths in the world of business. It was almost as painful as combining into a family from individuals after a marriage. 2010 was a year of Compromise.
Compromise is best pursued when their is Balance and becoming a yoga teacher was the best single investment I have ever done for myself. The daily grounding of meditation and spiritual study helped me feel how to exist with Balance for the first time ever.
Building the steam into our business' engine and raising our cute toddlers into sweet girls both took the same skill of Fortitude.
Watching Samir's dad remarry triggered Samir to finally deal with the loss of his mother. This brought about a very difficult time in our lives which taught both of us Acceptance. Acceptance of what we cannot control.
Connecting with the vision of a third child and deciding to try expanding our family and responsibilities took great Courage.
It has been an eventful four years to say the least. I did not get my MD but I did complete a new bachelors degree in life experiences with the forever gifts of Faith, Humbleness, Limits, Compromise, Balance, Fortitude, Acceptance, and Courage.
Currently, my mindspace is preoccupied with Hope. I hope to be a good and present mother to my three daughters. I hope to invest in and enjoy my marriage. I hope to get back to my previous level of fitness and leaner physique. I hope to work in a business area that rewards and responds to my creativity and passion. I hope to write a book, or two. I hope to consult back to improve medical care and patient communication. I hope to launch my own business that entices patients into a higher level of self care. But I don't want to just hope. And I don't want to wait until I am 40 to act with conviction. I give myself a Mantra as a gift on my 34th birthday - "just do it". Perhaps it will turn into the habit of Completion. There is an emptiness is this area, that is except in the realm of my own family. 5 is Complete. : )
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